If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
