I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
