We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
