Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
