Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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