I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
