Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
