Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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