Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
