i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
