I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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