He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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