I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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