It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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