Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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