It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
