remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
