it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
