I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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