What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
