Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
