Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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