just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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