So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As shirtless as possible
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
