There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm going to jail i love you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
