Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
