Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
