how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
