Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My vagina is very pro this idea
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