Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
