i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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