My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
