Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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