We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
