i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
