I didn't shave. On purpose
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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