Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
