ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
