I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
