We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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