dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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