we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
