Im at strip club and am horny
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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