Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
