If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
