life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
