South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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