Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
