She's JV to your varsity
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
