How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
