So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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