I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Congratulations! We have a period
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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