so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
