I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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