We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
