So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
